Lately(for the past few months), I haven't been very talkative in here...
I guess I simply didn't have anything to say. Actually, every time I wanted to write something, I either erased what I had written(because I didn't find it good enough), or got stuck without knowing what to write...
Now, a few weeks ago, I saw a video by Charlie McDonnell, where he tells how scared he is at the moment. He is scared that people won't like him. He made me want to write again.
Human beings all have fears. Some are afraid of some animal, some are afraid of crowds, some are afraid of confined places, and so on. We all have fears. Different fears, but we are all afraid of something. BUT. There is one thing that all human beings are afraid of and aspiring to. Our common desire is to be loved. Our common fear is to be unloved. We all have different reasons to be afraid that someone(or everyone) won't love/like us. "I don't dress well enough" "I am not funny enough" "I am not cool enough" "I am not/too...blahblahblah".
Well, let me tell you something...
I don't have that fear anymore. Well, to be honest, I do feel unloved from time to time, but I find comfort thinking and knowing that at least there is one person who will always love me, and love me very much, unconditionally and perfectly, forever. When I was little, I thought I was useless and no one loved me and I thought I was simply not lovable. Thing is, I had always heard that God loved me, and he loved me so much that he sent Jesus Christ to reconcile with me through living a human life and dying instead of me though he was perfect and didn't do anything wrong, and he rose again, and now it was possible for me to have a relationship with him. When I realized what it meant, I felt so bad at first because I knew I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve love from anyone let alone God, I was a bad little girl and I knew from what I had learned that almost everything I did, God didn't like. So, I was at the point that I told God "why do you love me so much? Don't love me like that!". But then, after showing me his love, he made me feel it. I knew and I felt loved. He was constantly telling me "I love you". Then, you know, he showed me that if I refused to be loved by him, it was making all his efforts vain, and that would be so outrageous and so hurtful to him. And I personally knew I needed him and his love to keep going. So I let him love me, and simply fell in love with him again(yeah because when I was like from 3 to let's say 6, I really genuinely loved him, he was basically my first love). From that moment on, he has always had my back and I know I can count on him, and he trusts me. We share a true friendship, and my life has become brighter. Now, I love life, because I know I'm loved, and because I love(not only God, but others too! Of course! ;) ).
Now, I also have come to realize that I have people around me who truly love me and support me(my family, and friends), and I think it is important to realize that even if you feel like people don't like you, or you're not lovable or you're afraid that people would reject you or dislike you or what you do and so on, there will always be people around you who care about you and will always support you no matter what. What is important then? Pleasing youtube anonym fans you've never seen or talked to, or live your life, do whatever you like and keep close those you know and trust?
.♥.
