Thursday, February 02, 2012

A real woman?

I wonder what it feels like not to be able to have a child. I mean, to be sterile. For a woman. I've always heard that the hardest pain was to lose your child. What if I couldn't even have one? I think it would be a greater pain.  
The self-esteem of a sterile woman must be very low at some point. When she just found out that, though she is a woman, she can't bear life. That she can't have the pride to say that she shares with the others this amazing ability. What goes on, then, in her mind, in her heart, in her body? I don't know how I would react. I imagined that I would be depressed. Then I thought : what about adopting a child then? I don't like this idea. If I adopt a child because I can't have one of my own, I only adopt this child for me, to feel good, not because I want to make a child happy, not because I want to give love to someone who didn't have the chance to receive it before. It wouldn't be fair. And it's not the same anyway. 
I love children. I hope and want to have more than one. But even if I imagine how many I will have, boys or girls, their names and all, I don't know if I will actually have even one. It would be a miracle...

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